Zen Mama

Six Senses Con Dao, Vietnam, 2011

I've always wanted to be one of those serene, bohemian mothers who doesn't get terribly riled about schedules and isn't freaking out over toddler Mandarin lessons or scraped knees. You know the kind. She's usually off ommmming somewhere in the tropics (shrugging off the high risk of malaria), while a her brawny stay-at-home-dad-novelist-hubby is teaching the kids to surf.

But this week, the little guy gave me a lesson in neuroses.

Our 16 week anatomy scan last Thursday was mostly great. My OBGYN practice uses another imaging center for more detailed scans, so we trekked to a no man's land stretch of midtown and settled in for the 45 minute journey. It was really emotional, just being in the dark room and seeing this little person looking very human on the screen. At one point he grabbed his feet. It all looked great to us. It's a boy, etc!

Then the ultrasound tech brought in a doctor, who was trailed by a med student (and eventually another doctor.) There was a smudge of something they were concerned about on the back of the baby's head. There was a lot of fiddling around with 3D imaging as the three men loomed over me.

Long story short, I went numb for about ten minutes while they discussed whether the baby's head was sealed properly. It was.

Eventually, the doctor turned to us brightly and said the baby had what was essentially a pimple on the back of his skull. I was a bit wobbly all weekend, just because their initial worry was so, so bad.

I think I couldn't quite process what they had actually concluded and wound up with this cloudy, panicked sense of something'swrongwithmybaby. It was extremely hard to shake. The hangover that comes from considering the worst case scenario is really rough.

Anyway, after a long chat with my primary doctor, who reviewed the files, things are indeed fine. She reiterated that he has a little skin cyst the size of a sesame seed, and it will either go away by the next scan, or it won't, and we'll deal with it later.

I felt a bit silly calling her relentlessly since she sounded so very, well, serene, about the whole thing.

You feel so incredibly vulnerable when it comes to your children, future, or otherwise. If the kid comes home late after curfew, I will clearly be a nervous wreck.

16 Weeks

16 Weeks, 2 Days

Not very impressive! But I suppose I should enjoy it while it lasts.

Still no weight gain. Some possible flutters here and there, though.

Went to see a friend's band play at Union Pool last night and did some errands around a very windy Williamsburg this morning (between ogling dogs at the McCarren Park dog run. I am not to be trusted around sausage dogs. They look like little brown millipedes.)

Mushrooms, 2012

Will bought crimini, oyster, and shitake mushrooms at the farmer's market and a new ravioli maker at Whisk. He has very ambitious plans to make ravioli and sourdough bread this weekend. I will be observing from a safe distance.

15 Weeks

14 Weeks

xoxo

The Avocado

Avocado, 2012

When my sister in law was pregnant, she'd occasionally send along emails from those services that tell you which fruit or vegetable the baby is that week (among other bits of useful info.) For whatever reason, we found the avocado week especially amusing, and persisted in calling her unborn child The Avocado for the rest of the pregnancy. Some weeks are truly alarming... like pineapple week. Ouch.

An avocado seems just ideal, thankyouverymuch.

Well, I have officially reached avocado week.

Our first anatomy scan was a hold-your-breath kind of affair, particularly as I haven't been feeling really very pregnant in a consistent way. Well, except for the crying jags.

But it's also been a beautiful week for walking around the city and appreciating its Gotham-ness. How cool it is to live here...

This weekend, the L train is down for repairs and I'm just fine with that. I will be enjoying walks/decaf lattes/sleep and the like. Hope yours is equally action packed.

Madison Square Park, 2012