Les Enfants

Bonton, Paris, 2011

If the French mother debate won't go away, it's because it seems to be resonating.

Today in Babble, writer Beth Goulart explores the issue, and talks about how she feels that American mothers tend to stigmatize a more European style of parenting. I've excerpted it at length because I think it's so spot on.

"In my group, parents don’t let their babies cry, not even for a 5- or 10-minute-long “pause.” Mothers take pride in fully giving themselves over to the children, accepting that they will recover their own selves after the children are grown. I’ll confess that I even take a sort of pride in my firstborn’s delay in sleeping through the night. When I say, “He didn’t sleep through the night until he was 18 months old,” I establish to all the other mothers in earshot that I am a devoted mother. They are, I hope deep down, duly impressed...

But now there’s this book. I’m so excited: Might it signify a change in the tide, a turn in parenting trends toward taking back a bit of identity for ourselves? Toward expecting our children to fit into our homes, our sleeping schedules, our social schedules, rather than remodeling them all around the children? If the tide is really moving away from self-sacrificing mothers and toward a more balanced model of child- and self-care, I'll be able to take pride in leaving the kids with my husband for an afternoon, in hiring a babysitter so my husband and I can go out to dinner, and even helping our youngest learn to sleep longer. If the stigma of parenting this way lifts, I may tell my friends when my youngest one sleeps through the night." 


P.S. I took the photo in this post at Bonton, a very stylish children's store in Paris near the Marais. Whatever Druckerman may say about discipline, adult time, and family routine in France, there is no doubt that the French still obsess over and adore their little ones too. Nearly every Parisian park has pony rides or toy sailboats or impressive play equipment. So it's not as if les enfants are all marching about silently in grey flannel shorts and berets, afraid to speak out of turn.

Book Club

Koh Samuii, Thailand, 2009

There's a piece up on Babble about how Japanese school teachers let children resolve their own playground conflicts, without stepping in to say "Be nice" or "Don't hit." The article is excerpted from a new book called How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm: And Other Adventures in Parenting (from Argentina to Tanzania and everywhere in between.)

While some parenting "philosophies" pop up around the globe, it's the differences I find fascinating.

Will and I have nieces and nephews being raised in England and in Singapore (a former British trading post), where strict scheduling is generally valued...at least by the parents we know. Our little guy will be raised in urban Brooklyn, where, as I've mentioned, different theories abound. Then there's the whole French mother debate.

What's amazing is how militant each camp can be, saying things like, "If you don't put your baby to bed at 7 on the dot, he'll grow up to be a juvenile delinquent." Or, "Letting your baby cry it out will cost thousands in therapy later on." Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean...

I kind of prefer the patchwork approach. Guess I'll go see what I can glean from those Eskimo mamas.