Balance

Williamsburg, 2013

So....balance...

Maybe you've noticed posting has been sporadic this summer. And from the pictures it certainly looks like we've been having an idyllic summer.

In between travels and weekends there's also been some work upheaval for me. The project I've been working on full time since February came to an abrupt stopping point last Thursday (something I sensed might happen) and this week I immediately switched gears to another 5 week project that's considerably more intense, but one that also has an end date.

Cue an overwhelming sense of whiplash. On the one hand, my work life just got really crazy, with some big looming deadlines. On the other hand, come September 12th, it all grinds to a complete halt.

I had just gotten used to being a working mother with a somewhat predictable 9-5 (or 10-6) routine, and it was getting easier and easier by the day. Now I have 5 weeks until I am thrust back into the great freelance void.

It's a place I'm normally very comfortable, and I'm sure I will get assignments and a certain momentum will set in. It's just that freelancing, I mean really freelancing (not working as a contractor in an office), is an entirely different prospect when I have full time childcare (a nanny who we love and totally depend upon.)

So I find myself shuffling little scraps of paper and jotting down calculations and doing everything I can to figure out how to keep up the status quo, especially because if I do get another offer, the last thing I want is to have to start from scratch with another caregiver. Part of the reason work had gotten easy was because I was so comfortable with Axel's day to day routine and knew he was in safe hands and with someone who adores him.

While I could certainly look after him on my own if I were truly not working, the thought of disrupting that relationship and beginning the whole process again is completely overwhelming.

I think all of this will percolate over the next few weeks and that we can manage (if I do a certain amount of the freelance hustle.) Still, I feel like all of the opting out / opting in conversations of late sometimes miss the point; that occasionally it's more like two steps forward, two steps back than it is "in" or "out."

And it's certainly weird to straddle the working mom / stay at home mom divide when you feel ambivalent about both scenarios.

Festivities

Maine, 2013

My mom threw a really cute garden party for Axel's birthday on Saturday, and he loved every second of it, from his first taste of cupcake, to his brand new ukulele and seal puppet to being around all of his older cousins.

We are now safe and sound back in muggy old NYC, the last few weeks of summer winding down ahead of us.

One Year

Axel, 2013

One!

So much mischief, energy, and playfulness.

You haven't seemed terribly babyish in a while, what with your tanned little feet (oops!), resistance to being held, and your sense of adventure.

It's been a busy summer: opening and closing doors; playing hide and seek; noshing on bagels; saying "Tkitkicat" (which either means cat or nothing at all); boat rides; plane trips...

I really loved the three months I had at home with you, in the early newborn days which seemed kind of hazy and surreal. But now...now you are such a participant in our every day activities, in our family, it's impossible to imagine a time when you weren't here with us.

My very favorite baby boy, Happy Birthday! May it be filled with penguins, balls, harmonicas, blueberries and pancakes, all your favorite things.

Birthday Eve

Axel, 2013

I can't believe this little fellow will be one tomorrow. Toddlerdom, here we come.

I have been M.I.A., with lots of weekends away and weddings and driving and packing and unpacking. Actually, we have been failing on the unpacking front, so we are mostly living out of our bags during the week, wondering where the summer went.

I have to say I am looking forward to a quiet September and to catching up with things at home. To having a routine again and to weekends where nothing's on the agenda.

Axel, as ever, has been very resilient in the face of all the to-ing and fro-ing.

Lately

Maine, 2013

Heading off on an overnight with Will's sisters and their husbands (sans kids) to North Haven Island. Will report back soonest.

Maine Escape

Maine, 2013

Just home from Maine. We took Axel on his first overnight on the sailboat (a success), attended a summer wedding where the bride arrived by boat, and then spent a day tending to a sick baby...some sort of stomach virus. Thankfully he recovered quickly, and was able to spend a little bit of quality time with his cousins before we made the long trek back to New York.

11211 Love

Vogue, via Bedford and Bowery

And Vogue discovers the Williamsburg foodie scene and baby boom...obviously, hilarity ensues.

Summer in the City

New York, 2013

Yesterday, will sent me a screen grab from the weather app on his phone. It was 105 degrees out. It's been at least 100 since we've been back home, which means we drown ourselves in iced coffee and stay inside in the air conditioning. Will has a few days off, but it's been too hot to swim, walk, or do anything outside for longer than about ten minutes.

Aside from that, it's been good to be home. Flying this way is much easier on the jet lag front. Axel's been going to sleep at around 7, and up at 6ish, so we'll take what we can get.

And while, objectively, New York is far less beautiful than Paris, it feels very "us." It's scruffy, scrappy, hectic, and loud, but hey, it's ours.

That said, we are escaping the heat this weekend by heading up to Maine for a wedding.

And Home

Paris, 2013

We arrived home last night to a major New York heat wave. Axel was hilarious on the flight, just hamming it up for everyone in sight. It was tiring but unveventful, and it felt really good to sleep in our own bed last night, even if jet lag meant we woke up at 4.

Axel, 2013

Seeing Axel back on his home turf, it's clear that he grew quite a bit on our trip and that he's much more sure footed. We have a kind of hectic week ahead of us, but I was happy to reunite Axel with his nanny and head off to work this morning to catch up on that front.

Just Dinner

Paris, 2013

Falafel by the Seine...what more could you want?