Thursday, August 15, 2013


Williamsburg, 2013


Maybe you've noticed posting has been sporadic this summer. And from the pictures it certainly looks like we've been having an idyllic summer.

In between travels and weekends there's also been some work upheaval for me. The project I've been working on full time since February came to an abrupt stopping point last Thursday (something I sensed might happen) and this week I immediately switched gears to another 5 week project that's considerably more intense, but one that also has an end date.

Cue an overwhelming sense of whiplash. On the one hand, my work life just got really crazy, with some big looming deadlines. On the other hand, come September 12th, it all grinds to a complete halt.

I had just gotten used to being a working mother with a somewhat predictable 9-5 (or 10-6) routine, and it was getting easier and easier by the day. Now I have 5 weeks until I am thrust back into the great freelance void.

It's a place I'm normally very comfortable, and I'm sure I will get assignments and a certain momentum will set in. It's just that freelancing, I mean really freelancing (not working as a contractor in an office), is an entirely different prospect when I have full time childcare (a nanny who we love and totally depend upon.)

So I find myself shuffling little scraps of paper and jotting down calculations and doing everything I can to figure out how to keep up the status quo, especially because if I do get another offer, the last thing I want is to have to start from scratch with another caregiver. Part of the reason work had gotten easy was because I was so comfortable with Axel's day to day routine and knew he was in safe hands and with someone who adores him.

While I could certainly look after him on my own if I were truly not working, the thought of disrupting that relationship and beginning the whole process again is completely overwhelming.

I think all of this will percolate over the next few weeks and that we can manage (if I do a certain amount of the freelance hustle.) Still, I feel like all of the opting out / opting in conversations of late sometimes miss the point; that occasionally it's more like two steps forward, two steps back than it is "in" or "out."

And it's certainly weird to straddle the working mom / stay at home mom divide when you feel ambivalent about both scenarios.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...