Grounded

Axel, Williamsburg, 2012

We've been out on the town three nights running. Don't get me wrong, I am quite pleased that we still feel able to go to last minute BBQs, fancy brunches, and birthday gatherings without too much anxiety.
Today, however, we're grounding ourselves...

Will made crepes with blueberries and I felt like a family on a sit com (it was delicious.) I also watched the first episode of the BBC series Call the Midwife and read a bit of Simplicity Parenting (another borrow from Caribou's lending library.)

The premise of the book is that children today are so often overwhelmed by too much stuff and too many structured activities and as a result are under a great deal of stress (that often manifests itself as bad behavior.) Obviously, some of this is directed at older kids, but the book is so thoughtful I really think it's helpful in making parents more mindful of the choices they make about toys, after school activities, bedtimes and so on.

A while back, Fern and Feather had a great blog series with posts on each chapter, covering issues like a child's home environment, the importance of routines, and the pressure to pack your family's schedule with a million activities. I suppose it's a bit earnest of me to read all these parenting books. Then again, I've always been a researcher, and I am always curious about the "why" of things. A lot of this book affirms what I already believe, but it's kind of nice to understand how it all works and to try to be a bit more aware about how we make decisions.

In these early days we don't always think through our motivations for doing this or that, but I don't want to wake up one day under a mountain of toys, shuttling Axel to his fourteenth activity of the week, wondering how my good intentions got lost in the mist and muck of every day. So far, along with Bringing Up Bebe, this has been my best read so far.

Two Months Old

Axel, 2012

I can't believe it's been two months...Axel is acquiring new hobbies by the minute and we are pretty enamored with him. We marked his two monthiversary with a walk over the Williamsburg bridge, something I haven't done in ages, and brunch at The Standard Grill.

Lots of funny characters about today. I've hardly been into "the city" since he was born except for a doctor's visit and a stop in to Will's office...Brooklyn is just so easy with him and I get a little lazy. It is so invigorating though to be in Manhattan and be reminded of its merits and quirks and energy. What a funny place to grow up.

Indian Summer

Axel, Williamsburg, 2012

There's extreme dappling going on in Brooklyn this morning. Plus lots of funny expressions, hand-eating, and stroller naps. We are off for a walk to Greenpoint and I am wearing shorts!!!

Bottoms Up

Axel, Williamsburg, 2012

Last night we went out to the Kent Ale House (yes, I am that lady with the baby in the bar) for a friend's birthday...Axel slept right through it.

I don't know if any of you have been following it, but there's been a mini controversy brewing (ha, get it? groan) lately about children in Brooklyn bars.

I am clearly all for it, but then I was all for it before I had kids. When we'd go to the winery or one of our local brunch spots pre-baby and see a couple out with their friends and a little one, I'd think, hooray, we don't have to hide away from the world until our children are out of diapers.

My moms' group meets regularly at Spritzenhaus (for Staropramen and hot pretzels, delicious) and no one seems to mind, but then again, Williamsburg is probably not yet as overrun with children as Park Slope. Axel has been to The Ides, Betto, Extra Fancy and many more local spots. (99.9999% of the time he is passed out and completely oblivious that we have left the house.) Occasionally whoever seats us betrays their mild annoyance (and we ignore it.) Going out keeps us sane and, I believe, will ultimately teach Axel how to operate as a normal member of society with manners and all the rest of it.

Perhaps it's growing up partially in Europe, where pubs are generally multi-generational. Obviously we are not going to take Axel out to some Chelsea club, but babies in beer gardens (and coffee shops, restaurants, and the rest of them) is a firm yes in my book. I think it's horribly depressing to imagine that you could only take your child to dedicated "family" restaurants, leading them to believe that the culinary world is limited to chicken fingers and soggy fries.

That doesn't mean I think children should run loose or be total nightmares in local watering holes. I think (or at least I hope) it's a tacit agreement between those with kids and those without. We agree to step outside if we have a wailer on our hands (and to attempt to teach our kids how to behave in a public setting), while they agree not to roll their eyes. Or ban babies from bars.

Mama in the Picture

via Jami Saunders Photography

One of the reasons I love being a part of the local moms' group is because other mothers point out articles like this one, on being photographed with your kids. All too often my editorial brain kicks in and I find myself deleting photos of myself with Axel in which I look less than perfect. Or it's just that I'm always behind the camera myself. I was joking to Will that our son may well look back on his childhood and imagine he was raised by a single father.

A little extract from Allison Tate's article here (and a very good point, I might add.)

"I avoid photographic evidence of my existence these days. To be honest, I avoid even mirrors. When I see myself in pictures, it makes me wince. I know I am far from alone; I know that many of my friends also avoid the camera.

It seems logical. We're sporting mama bodies and we're not as young as we used to be. We don't always have time to blow dry our hair, apply make-up, perhaps even bathe (ducking). The kids are so much cuter than we are; better to just take their pictures, we think.

But we really need to make an effort to get in the picture. Our sons need to see how young and beautiful and human their mamas were. Our daughters need to see us vulnerable and open and just being ourselves -- women, mamas, people living lives. Avoiding the camera because we don't like to see our own pictures? How can that be okay?

Too much of a mama's life goes undocumented and unseen. People, including my children, don't see the way I make sure my kids' favorite stuffed animals are on their beds at night. They don't know how I walk the grocery store aisles looking for treats that will thrill them for a special day. They don't know that I saved their side-snap, paper-thin baby shirts from the hospital where they were born or their little hospital bracelets in keepsake boxes high on the top shelves of their closets. They don't see me tossing and turning in bed wondering if I am doing an okay job as a mother, if they are okay in their schools, where we should take them for a vacation, what we should do for their birthdays. I'm up long past the news on Christmas Eve wrapping presents and eating cookies and milk, and I spend hours hunting the Internet and the local Targets for specially-requested Halloween costumes and birthday presents. They don't see any of that.

Someday, I want them to see me, documented, sitting right there beside them: me, the woman who gave birth to them, whom they can thank for their ample thighs and their pretty hair; me, the woman who nursed them all for the first years of their lives, enduring porn star-sized boobs and leaking through her shirts for months on end; me, who ran around gathering snacks to be the week's parent reader or planning the class Valentine's Day party; me, who cried when I dropped them off at preschool, breathed in the smell of their post-bath hair when I read them bedtime stories, and defied speeding laws when I had to rush them to the pediatric ER in the middle of the night for fill-in-the-blank (ear infections, croup, rotavirus).

I'm everywhere in their young lives, and yet I have very few pictures of me with them. Someday I won't be here -- and I don't know if that someday is tomorrow or thirty or forty or fifty years from now -- but I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to see the way I looked at them, see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at and I am not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother."

Regression

Axel, 2012

One of the downsides to having a blog is that as soon as you type "my baby is sleeping so well in his crib," the universe puts you back in your place with a loud thud. Though Axel is still sleeping in his own room (and goes down very easily), he is now back to waking up like a Swiss clock every two and a half hours from midnight 'til 7. As a result, I am trying to put myself down for a nap. Grrrr...

Foggy Days

Axel, 2012

I've been enjoying the transition to fall and feeling like we're emerging from the "survival weeks" to settle into a new kind of tempo.

In the first few days we had Axel at home after the trip to Maine I was a little scared I might never eat a warm meal or complete an email again, but much of that was that I needed to learn when to tackle things (and Axel needed to fall into a more predictable napping schedule.)

Now life is a little more predictable and I am not quite so alarmed by hearing a fussy baby for a few minutes, so we've been trying to forge ahead with healthier meals and projects around the house. I definitely felt kind of scruffy and on the edge in the first month of having a newborn, but somehow it's all come to seem more organic.

Unfortunately that means I can't use being a hysterical, frazzled new baby mama as an excuse for eating ice cream daily and not returning people's phone calls.

I'm in the process of mailing out baby announcements, which is fun. Sure, in these days of social media there are probably very few of our loved ones who are unaware that we have reproduced, but I still like the tradition and the notion of something pretty in the mail. We ordered ours from Pinhole Press and are thrilled with the results.

Loose Ends

Axel, 2012

Often the idea of gathering my thoughts into a post on one particular subject is kind of daunting. But it's my blog and who says I have to be coherent!

- I'm clearly not the only one thinking about sleep training these days. I like Joanna's post on the matter (though six months? I am not sure we are going to make it to six months.) Officially, we're waiting until Axel's two month check up on October 8th to start, but unofficially we've been working towards a sleep routine for about 3 or 4 weeks now. Around the time we got home from Maine and Will went back to work we started putting Axel to bed (albeit in his bassinet, or stroller, wherever we were) at around 7:00 at night. His bedtime has stuck ever since. Around a week ago I started instituting more of a bath and pre-bed ritual as well. He loves bath time, it's so cute. His eyes get big and he looks around like "Whoa, this water stuff is excellent." Clearly, he takes after his mama. We're still not sleeping through the night but these baby steps (bedtime, him sleeping in his own room, bath time) have helped emotionally prepare us for the big change. Still, if we want to go out with him at night, we go out. We do the same ritual and put him in the stroller and it seems to work just fine.

- Did you know baby socks make excellent gloves?

- We are gearing up for our first plane ride (to Seattle, for a wedding) in a few weeks time. I'm excited. Although we've traveled with the baby before, this seems like our first big trip. We're staying at the Ace Hotel in Belltown and then driving across the state to Spokane for three nights. I love the West Coast so I am excited to explore crunchy Washington State and taste some tasty pinot noirs in the process.

- I also go back to work for a short term, 6-week-long assignment in three weeks. To get ready to go back to the office, we found a nanny who has been coming over two afternoons a week until she starts full time. It's been a good way to ease myself into it, as I can work away on my laptop in the other room and hear how she interacts with Axel, which is very cute and reassuring. It feels like an extravagance to have someone look after him while I am at home, but I think I would be way too anxious if we went from zero to sixty on my work start date. This way, I know she knows how to handle his various moods and I've been able to use the time to run some errands and catch up with friends in the process. Still, it's impossible not to feel a little guilty about any childcare choice you make and to feel that you are the only one who can really care for your baby as you'd wish. If only we lived in Sweden and I got a year's maternity leave!

Newborn Must Haves Part One: Sleep

Williamsburg, 2012

Nearly two months in I wouldn't exactly call myself an expert in newborn care, but I would say that Axel and I have found our own little rhythm and that I feel like I can usually anticipate what will set him off and what will keep him cozy and content.

Since I'm a little on the Type A-side of the spectrum, I've been keeping a running list of some of the things that have been useful to me in these foggy newborn days. When I was pregnant, I'd read lists like these as if they held the secrets of the universe. Of course, they do not. But I do think there are some gems of wisdom in here that might help new parents, so here goes. A first little segment on our sleep necessities (essentials for bath time, changing, feeding, playtime and more to come.)

Sleeping

1) Our Serena and Lily Sausalito Moses Basket.
Axel slept in our room for the first 7 1/2 weeks of his life and this sturdy, attractive bassinet took us from New York to Maine, Boston, Rhode Island, and back again. Before we got into more of a bedtime routine with Axel sleeping in his own room, we'd keep him in the bassinet with us in the living room until we went to bed. I think any moses basket would probably do, but I loved how this one was made of pretty canvas and didn't seem too fragile. We ordered a rocker for it from Rockers by Richard so I could push him back and forth while I was trying to drift off to sleep myself. Since Axel seemed a little antsy sleeping flat on his back when he first came home from the hospital, we used a little foam triangle that came with our stroller to prop up the mattress and keep it on an incline. We also got an infant head positioner (the Snuzzler) from Summer, so I didn't have to worry about him lolling about and mashing his face against the side of the bassinet.

2) The Sleep Sheep completed the picture and its ocean sound (I can find that third button down while still asleep) helped to muffle some of Axel's squeaks and grunts, giving us all a slightly better night's sleep. This was a shower gift that has been really, really useful.

3) The Miracle Blanket and the Halo Sleep Sack Swaddle.
Initially, I thought Axel hated to be swaddled as he always seemed to be fighting to get his arms free. Will has a little more patient with the concept (thanks to Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block) and we found that when we used these baby straight jacket-style swaddles, he settled down almost instantly. I'm not looking forward to weaning off of the swaddle but whatever gets you through, right? I was also reluctant to use a pacifier because people get ou so worried about nipple confusion, but somewhere around 4 weeks we broke out the Avent Soothies and haven't looked back.

4) The Baby Touch Video Monitor by Summer.
We splurged on this snazzy gizmo and I am really glad we did. While a regular baby monitor would probably do just as well, it's kind of fun to spy on Axel when we are watching a movie and it's really helpful to be able to see what he's up to when he starts making noise without getting out of bed and opening his door.

5) The New Basics by Dr. Michel Cohen.
I've plundered the lending library at Caribou for all the baby sleep books I could find. Ultimately, I found a lot of them very confusing. Am I screwing it all up if we eat, then sleep, then play? Do I need to head home to make sure Axel naps in his crib, no matter what I might need to get done? There seems to be so much contradictory info out there. Fortunately, our pediatrician has written a book on childcare that breaks topics like sleep down into really simple, pragmatic one-to-two page chapters. Dr. Cohen's take on sleep is basically that you do not need to be held hostage for naps, so if the baby naps in the stroller one day, and the crib the next, that's perfectly fine. He also believes you can sleep train at 2 months and, well, we shall see how that goes. Initially that sounded kind of cruel (and far-fetched) to me. But since Axel seems to enjoy waking up at 3 a.m. just to make faces, I am leaning towards giving it a shot come October 6th. Time will tell.

6) Coffee. Did I mention coffee?

Eight Weeks Old

Axel, 2012

Trying to capture Axel's smile on camera is harder done than said...but he's amused by lots of things these days. Faces, the breeze, his changing table, talking, squeaking (you get the picture.) Yesterday he got big doses of all of the above at an impromptu picnic we had on our green roof. He was such a good sport about being passed around the party. I think he's a pretty sociable fellow. So much so that when he woke up at 3 a.m., I think he really just wanted to hang out.

So I'm feeling a little weary after the festivities and nocturnal hijinks.

Meanwhile, how is it October? We kicked off the month with coffee from the counter at Five Leaves, Baby Boot Camp, and a walk through Greenpoint. I have a freelance story due this afternoon so I need to make the most of the four hours of nanny time today. No more faffing about on Facebook. It is really tough to switch gears from baby to work, as much as I am excited to use that part of my brain again.

I think I'm fairly chipper for someone sleeping on a newborn's schedule, but occasionally it catches up with me, like when I forget how to count or the word for vacuum. Given that I make my livelihood with words, it's been a little interesting.