Amnesia

Oscar, 2014

I've lost...well, what's a quarter of 44? 12 days of sleep? I am too tired to do the math.

Recovery is a strange business. I feel like I'm getting my strength back through training and Pilates, and I walk something like 4 miles a day, just running errands and walking to soothe the baby back to sleep. Oscar is so smiley and vocal now too. When he's not howling. The days are full...I have a heck of a lot more stamina than I did in my third trimester, but at the end of the day I feel like I've been in a boxing ring. Just physically (and emotionally) beat.

As the baby gets to be more of a baby (and less of a newborn), I'm also getting impatient for us to establish a schedule. So far, I feed Oscar on demand, and he sleeps when he sleeps, which is pretty much what I did with Axel.

Then magically, sometime around 4 months, Axel started sleeping through the night (with one dream feed at around 10 p.m.) and napping regularly. It was amazing. I felt like we were geniuses, who had produced a genius baby.

The trouble is, I have no memory of how we got to that point, or whether I did anything to help the process along. We never sleep trained or had to listen to him cry it out. It just kind of happened. And now, the second time around, I have zero intelligence on what to do next. As it is, some days, Oscar will sleep for 15 minutes out of every hour, leaving me just about no time at all to complete a thought. Other days, he'll sleep for five hours at a time. And he's ravenous about every two hours, round the clock.

I keep looking back through the blog, for clues. Apparently I was delirious back then too. If only Axel could tell us what made him turn the corner!

21 Weeks Old

Axel, 2012

Axel's just 5 days shy of turning 5 months old, so I have somewhat fallen off the wagon in keeping up with his weekly "birthdays." And this month has been so peripatetic for us that it's been hard to say exactly what his latest routine is like with any confidence.

The good news is that his sleep has been pretty solid since that first week when we seemed to turn a corner. And we never did any formal sleep training, he just seemed to come into it on his own. Thank god, because we really didn't have the nerve to let him cry it out for ages and ages.

Of course, jet lag's been something else.

When we first arrived Axel was squarely on New York time, staying up 'til midnight and sleeping for most of the morning. We've slooooowly gotten to an 8:15ish bedtime, but it's not without a good deal of fussing (probably because there are so many people around just before dinner that Axel thinks sleep sounds like a decidedly dull option. It's been hard to have that unwinding time in a packed house where we don't entirely have our own space.)

But, fingers crossed, he mostly sleeps through the night now (waking up maybe once around 5 a.m., then falling back to sleep until about 9.) I am dreading the time adjustment on the other side, but at least I am no longer waking up four times a night.

Apart from some lingering colds and possible teething, our fellow has been a delight. He's a real laugher now, chomps on everything in sight, and when you pick him up he holds his little arms around your neck like he's a human koala bear. I am amazed by how resilient he's been with all this travel and not feeling his best (and sort of longing for a return to routine...for all of us.)

Small Victories

Will and Axel, 2012

Last night our boy slept from 6:45 p.m. until just after midnight and then again until 6:45 this morning, when he woke up happily chatting in his crib. Which I consider to be sleeping through the night, pretty much! Waking up once we can handle. It was amazing.

I've mentioned we've been light weights about sleep training, but assuming that last night wasn't a fluke, I think the secret was the 5 oz. bottle Will gave him after midnight. A round of applause for the bottle (and the baby!)

On Sleep

Axel, 2012

There is really nothing interesting about other people's sleep patterns, but since you're here...

We've completely failed in our sleep training efforts. It's not that sleep training failed, per se, it's just that we never got around to trying it.

One week it was our trip to Seattle, and we didn't want to try to establish a routine only to have it undone by jet lag. Then it was going back to work, which made it hard to fathom my only interactions with Axel being staring at him on the video monitor while ignoring his screams. Another week it was, 'Let's try it Saturday night...oh, but Saturday night we're out and he'll be sleeping in his stroller and that's not typical, so...'

Basically we talk about doing it and then can't muster the nerve. So, for now Axel is up to eat pretty much when he pleases, like, say, 11 p.m., 2 a.m., 5 a.m. and again at 7 a.m., when he's up for the day. And next week we are off to Maine for Thanksgiving and a few weeks after that to the UK for the holidays, and he will be back in our room for both stints away from home. So. It seems we are at an impasse.

The funny thing is that he's actually a great sleeper. I know he can self soothe because he does so, perfectly, when we put him down for the night at around 7 and after each of his nighttime feeds. He is quite content to be put down awake for a nap and drifts off without much protest. We have even dispensed with the swaddle and the pacifier (mostly.) He will still sleep in his stroller or car seat if we take him out past "bedtime."

He just seems to like eating on a 24-hour clock. And teaching him otherwise has become that thing on my to do list that somehow never gets crossed off.

Loose Ends

Axel, 2012

Often the idea of gathering my thoughts into a post on one particular subject is kind of daunting. But it's my blog and who says I have to be coherent!

- I'm clearly not the only one thinking about sleep training these days. I like Joanna's post on the matter (though six months? I am not sure we are going to make it to six months.) Officially, we're waiting until Axel's two month check up on October 8th to start, but unofficially we've been working towards a sleep routine for about 3 or 4 weeks now. Around the time we got home from Maine and Will went back to work we started putting Axel to bed (albeit in his bassinet, or stroller, wherever we were) at around 7:00 at night. His bedtime has stuck ever since. Around a week ago I started instituting more of a bath and pre-bed ritual as well. He loves bath time, it's so cute. His eyes get big and he looks around like "Whoa, this water stuff is excellent." Clearly, he takes after his mama. We're still not sleeping through the night but these baby steps (bedtime, him sleeping in his own room, bath time) have helped emotionally prepare us for the big change. Still, if we want to go out with him at night, we go out. We do the same ritual and put him in the stroller and it seems to work just fine.

- Did you know baby socks make excellent gloves?

- We are gearing up for our first plane ride (to Seattle, for a wedding) in a few weeks time. I'm excited. Although we've traveled with the baby before, this seems like our first big trip. We're staying at the Ace Hotel in Belltown and then driving across the state to Spokane for three nights. I love the West Coast so I am excited to explore crunchy Washington State and taste some tasty pinot noirs in the process.

- I also go back to work for a short term, 6-week-long assignment in three weeks. To get ready to go back to the office, we found a nanny who has been coming over two afternoons a week until she starts full time. It's been a good way to ease myself into it, as I can work away on my laptop in the other room and hear how she interacts with Axel, which is very cute and reassuring. It feels like an extravagance to have someone look after him while I am at home, but I think I would be way too anxious if we went from zero to sixty on my work start date. This way, I know she knows how to handle his various moods and I've been able to use the time to run some errands and catch up with friends in the process. Still, it's impossible not to feel a little guilty about any childcare choice you make and to feel that you are the only one who can really care for your baby as you'd wish. If only we lived in Sweden and I got a year's maternity leave!

Lately

Williamsburg, 2012

It's gorgeous out and we've been doing a lot of walking down to the waterfront, through McCarren Park, to Greenpoint for fresh air and donuts from Peter Pan. Axel loves to sleep on the go in his stroller,  when the music is blasting in a busy bistro, or when other people are watching.

When it's the two of us at home in the peace and quiet (just when I start thinking about a nap of my own or try to, say, make a sandwich), he's wide awake and transforms into Starvy McFussypants.

On the plus side, this means I have a ton of mobility and don't feel cooped up at home. On the not-so-plus-side, I do a lot of zombielike walking around the neighborhood pointing my camera at various things that amuse me.

Now, our pediatrician, who happens to be French, is a big booster for early sleep training. Like let-them-cry-it-out-at-two-months-old and never look back sleep training. But as we're still 2 weeks away from that milestone, we're still really winging it. But sleep, that's pretty much my favorite topic of conversation at the moment. I am trying to start a baby sleep propaganda campaign.

Axel! Sleep! At night! It's better than milk and screaming, I swear.

Five Weeks Old: Baby Jail

Axel, 2012

After a loooong night last night, Axel and I ventured into Manhattan today for my 6 week postpartum check up (which happened a week early.) He did great in the baby carrier and slept every time we got on the subway. I got the all clear to work out and have my first Baby Boot Camp class tomorrow.

After a little walking tour of Soho, we went to visit Will at work where baby A. got plenty of attention.

The afternoon was all about Baby Jail, aka, getting used to his new room and crib. Though we plan on keeping Axel in our room for the foreseeable future, I am hoping to get him used to napping in his room so the transition, and, er, sleep training, is easier down the line.

Williamsburg, 2012

Other than that, he's getting more and more demanding of attention, which means lots of interaction and fewer returned phone calls. I got a big smile today though, which made it all worthwhile.