Two Year's Eve

Maine, 2014

Axel is two tomorrow, which means tonight is our last night with two under two. He got into the birthday spirit at his eight year old cousin's Mad Hatter-themed party this morning.

The Mondays

Williamsburg, 2014

Little rapscallion Axel is non-stop. I mean, I know all toddlers are non-stop, to a certain extent. But he's non-stop compared to the other toddlers I see. Constant motion and mischief. With the sun going down later and later, he's also resisting bedtime in a major way. And Oscar...he is not one who likes to be left alone to gaze contentedly at a mobile. If he's up, I'm pounding the pavement.

I knew parenting would be full on, but I guess I didn't know how insanely physical it would be. Between the two of them my back is constantly out of whack and I'm walking loops around the neighborhood. When we add something for us to the mix, like a grown up evening out at a wedding at which I stay up past midnight (gasp!), it kind of tips everything over the edge.

Sigh. I mean, I am not going to cower meekly at home, but you can see why that might be the sensible option.

This week, it's early to bed, lots of water, and very few ambitions all around.

Lately

Williamsburg, 2014

It's amazing how in every single day these days there are moments when I am frayed at the edges, stretched beyond belief, and then moments when everything seems almost impossibly easy.

The tricky this is that I never quite know what I am up against.

A seemingly straightforward gathering or errand will turn into the scene of a major baby meltdown and my nerves will be shot, whereas a more ambitious endeavor will go really smoothly and I'll think we've cracked the code. I guess that's life...

In the midst of it all, Axel is getting very endearing, saying things like "Silly Mama"; "Art Class"; and "Birthday!" He is making a good deal of sense, that is, until he is not.

Oscar had his checkup today and is clocking in at 14 pounds and 1 oz., 24", and in the 50th percentile for height and weight.

I had been selling him as a big guy, but he's tapering off, and getting some blonde fluff that's mixing with his nutty brown hair. His hobbies include extreme eye contact, making dolphin noises, and beaming at anyone who will pay close attention to him.

Ocker's Hat

St. John, 2014

We saw the first glimmers of sibling rivalry over our recent holiday. I bought Oscar a sunhat to match Axel's and Axel immediately started furrowing his brow and referring to his own hat as "Ocker's hat"...

I tried to explain that although they looked the same, this was Axel's hat, but Axel wanted nothing to do with it once he'd decided it was his brother's

It's funny because I was recently talking to a father whose older children were also spaced 19 months apart, and he was saying that friends often made the mistake of buying the two boys toys in different colors, like say, a green ball and a blue ball (because both kids would then fixate on the blue ball, for no apparent reason, and it would spark fights.) Axel is also obsessed with his green umbrella stroller, and was none too pleased when I put Oscar in it on the beach.

I have a feeling there will be lots of this to come.

St. John: Part One

St. John, 2014

Two babies, a few pina coladas, five beaches, umpteen iguanas, a wedding, a few donkeys, plenty of mosquitos, and some marathon Peppa Pig sessions. "More Pig!", says Axel. A successful week, all around.

Inner Monologue

Williamsburg, 2014

When I'm walking around the neighborhood, trying to get Oscar to sleep (or keep him asleep), I have all sorts of lucid thoughts about blog posts I'd like to write, but when it actually comes to getting a free, quiet moment on my laptop, I'm usually quite scattered.

At any rate, I was thinking about how many emotions you go through in an average day while parenting two babies. It usually goes something like this (in no particular order.)

Both boys are sleeping and fed and content; we have won the parenting Olympics. Let's have four kids. And get a puppy. 

I wonder if I could fall asleep, standing up, while waiting for the traffic light to change. 

Axel and Oscar make my heart melt with joy. Could any experience be better than watching them (fill in the blank: suck their hands, make a painting, eat yogurt with a spoon, play with stickers, look at their owl mobile, say "Mommy!")?

Where is the baby? Gah, his bassinet is empty. Oh, yeah, I'm holding him. 

Our house is a bomb site. 

I've cleaned up; our house is miraculously clean. We are really keeping it together. 

Axel does not want to go in his stroller, eat his carrots, or put on his shirt. I am totally depleted. 

We're not those people who stop doing everything because we have children. Look at us traveling / drinking wine / going on adventures! See how wonderful the pictures are? We have cracked the code. 

We will never go to a restaurant with both children again. 

In fact, it feels like we may never go to a restaurant again, without children. We have only gone on 4 dates this year. How did we become those people?

I cannot be bothered to go on a date because that means I might have to stay up past 9 p.m..

Sitting on the bench at the playground on a 60 degree day is pretty darn blissful. We are so so lucky to have these beautiful, healthy children. My heart is bursting with happiness.

I mailed a letter. I'm so on top of my to do list. 

Axel is jumping on the couch. Cue visions of him in the E.R., getting stitches. I cannot handle anyone having to get stitches today. 

I wonder if I will ever finish a book again? 

Oscar is growing out of his newborn clothing. I want more babies. We are stretched past our limit. Eh, what's a little more chaos? 

This

Williamsburg, 2014

I have been a little uninspired to post this week as instead of floating about on the beach in a caftan, I have been doing a lot of this. It takes quite a lot to capture both of our babes in one shot, as you can see.

Stride

Williamsburg, 2014

Nearly two months in with two under two (!), and I'd say we are hitting our stride. Oscar is getting much more gratifying and interactive and even has something of a bedtime, around 8:30 p.m. (though he's up two or three times between then and 6:30 the next day.) Axel is also that much more verbal, and so it's easier to manage him as well, except when he's in the throes of an inexplicable toddler meltdown.

75% of the time, I think it's easier and more fun than I had expected....the other 25% of the time things are pretty chaotic, and it's hard to, say, feed ourselves, or manage the usual social get togethers. We had some friends over for Easter and while it was fun, there were a lot of crumbs on the floor, crying babies, and a sense of general disarray. Relaxing it was not!

Other than that, I've been working on recovering physically, heading to post-natal pilates and doing some old fashioned, P.E.-style training a few days a week to try and get some of my stamina back. After a night of choppy sleep the last thing I want to do is situps, squats, and sprints, but I also know that the fitter I feel the more I'll be able to keep up with Axel and Oscar. It's going to be a long road, but it feels good to have begun.

Rainy Saturday

Williamsburg, 2014

And we are drowning in babies. Cute babies, but still. Axel's been busily drawing (with some assistance) and loved his morning swimming lesson...

This Guy

Axel, 2014

Yesterday I pumped a bottle for Oscar so our nanny could look after him while I took Axel on a solo outing to the playground and then give him his bath at home.

We had so much fun...he was really chatty and sweet to the other kids and clearly in a very good mood after getting some one-on-one attention from his mama. It felt great to be able to get on the ground with him and go down the slide and pick him up and do all those things that were pretty tough in my last trimester. I'd been feeling really guilty at how much I wasn't able to do recently, and it's been a challenge when I've had to nurse and Axel has looked at me, thoroughly unimpressed.

Mostly, of course, Axel has been a real trooper about the big changes around here and hasn't shown any resentment towards the new baby. He has had a lot of uncharacteristic meltdowns when Will or I leave, though, and it's pretty sad. I think because he's just 19 months old, I underestimated how much he'd feel affected by a little sibling.

We're very luck to have help at home, and my plan was always that once Oscar could take a bottle, I'd carve out more time to hang out with Axel. Now that the weather is getting better, there are plenty of adventures to be had.

We are definitely getting into toddler territory though. This morning, when Will was trying to feed Axel oatmeal, he put his hand over his mouth and said "Cookie!" on repeat. So, there's that.

Etc.

Williamsburg, 2014

The first part of Will's paternity leave is wrapping up, which is a bit eeek-ish, but then again we're faring pretty well around here.

Oscar has gotten back up to his birth weight and is now a sturdy 8 lbs. 4 oz., which is good news. He's been pretty ravenous for the last few nights but at least I know all the eating is taking us in the right direction.

It's frigid again in New York today but we did have one beautiful hint of spring on Tuesday and we've done more walking in the past week than I've done in months. I am starting to feel like myself again.

Nineteen Months

Axel, 2014

It's been a big week for Axel!

Will brought him to the hospital to meet Oscar on Monday, with mixed results. He said "Baby!" but was very nonplussed to see me, which was a little surprising. Will tried to pass Axel to me for a hug and Axel wanted nothing to do with me. I think perhaps it was because when I left him on Sunday, in labor, he could tell something was up; or maybe it was the disruption to his routine. Who knows?!

Either way, he's onto us; he looked pretty worried in the hospital until we distracted him with a bottle and he started pushing all of the buttons on my hospital bed.

Since we came home, he's seemed to adjust pretty well. We've mostly had Oscar in our room, and so he hasn't had to contend with him too much. He tries to say Oscar though, which is pretty cute.

In the last few weeks, Axel's language has just exploded again...for 'I love you', he says 'I loo'; another frequent expression is 'No no not nice!'

Expert Advice

Williamsburg, 2014

I decided to ask some mothers of two under two for some advice on what's to come, and thought I'd compile some of their best tidbits here.

1) Don't feel guilty giving more attention to the older one as long as the baby is clean and fed.

2) Have a list of at least five go-to people for childcare when you are in labor. I could not get a hold of our first few choices when the time came.

3) The first few months, the little one is usually just carted around to the big one's events, so in a way it's business as usual for the big boy. But you should expect jealousy when the little one starts to be more of a person (sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, etc.)

4) Make sure both you and your partner both spend alone time (it can literally be 10 minutes doing the recycling, or some random special big boy thing) with your older son.

5) It's a beautiful thing to see your boys love each other, even if they bond over smashing drinking glasses or painting the walls with yogurt.

6) The best way to stave off jealousy is to keep the toddler's routine consistent as much as possible.  My daughter's dad does her bath almost every night now; I wish that we had started that before my son arrived.

7) I loved the book Siblings Without Rivalry.  It reminded me to call my younger son by his name instead of calling him "the baby."

8) You're in for a wild ride, but a good one.

9) The older child will love to help; it makes them feel so important. If the baby needs a bath, ask the toddler to help get the toys ready or get a towel for afterwards.

10 ) Get a cleaning lady once a week, even if it's a stretch financially.

11) Instead of saying "No" or "Be a big boy" all the time, say things like: "You are such a loving brother" or  "Thank you so much for being so gentle and kind to your brother."

The part about calling the baby by his name rather than "baby" made a lot of sense to me, because it kind of strips away the sense that the younger child is in a permanent special category. I hadn't thought of that, but I can see how that would be alienating if you were a small person with your own very big needs.

I also especially liked this blogger's take on things, like "Lower your expectations!" Noted. I also like that she calls her two young kids "the needlings." Ha.

After Axel was born, there were plenty of moments when I realized that I could no longer maintain some of the habits I had come to find enjoyable as a relatively unencumbered thirtysomething. I had to remind myself (and still do) that someday in the not so distant future I would be able to get back to throwing a dinner party with aplomb, or picking out especially thoughtful gifts, working out on a regular basis, or simply packing lots of varied things into a weekend day. Some days it's make the bed or make dinner, especially in the early days, and I'm sure that's doubly so with two children.

I am sure there will be more tips to come (and I will take all that I can get!)

Two Under Two

Williamsburg, 2014

A few people have asked me if we're doing anything to prepare Axel for having a little brother next month, which makes me think, WHAT? Don't be crazy! Oh yeah, we're going to to have two children under the age of two and gah, how did that happen?

I kid, sort of. In truth, while Axel is getting more verbal by the day and has lots of words, I think bigger concepts like extended family, brothers, relatedness, and permanence are kind of beyond him at this stage. I've heard the old 'Have the new baby give your child a present at the hospital' recommendation, or 'Read lots of books about being a big brother,' but I can't help but think Axel will be kind of blase about the whole thing. Like "Nice baby! Toy! Book! Why am I here?" Fortunately he spends most weekdays having playdates with a troupe of little children, so he does get a fair amount of practice with sharing attention and objects and I think he'll be okay on those fronts, mostly.

The question that seems more relevant at this point is how are we preparing to look after a newborn and a toddler at once. On days when I am feeling very pregnant and very tired, I have moments of panic. But then I remember that spring is coming (eventually) and that we know the drill. Instead of wondering if I'll ever sleep again, this time I'll know that the newborn phase goes by so quickly and that there will be peaks and troughs, as with everything.

I am sure that life will be a little (or a lot) chaotic for at least six months or so, but then I remember how much I enjoyed being home those first few months with Axel, even when I was delirious, and I get all the more excited to meet the new baby.

Until then, being pregnant with a toddler is...something. Will has had to take over a lot of the heavy lifting, both literally and figuratively, and I'm insanely grateful for that but also feel guilty for my lack of energy. It's so easy to idealize my last pregnancy and imagine I was never this tired (I was!), but I tend to remember it as a really lovely time. Ahhh, pregnancy amnesia.

17 Weeks

Fall, 2013

So here we are, 17 weeks all over again.

And life is good. I have definitely been slack on the taking photos front (though I edited this post to add one from the weekend), but I am generally feeling well.

I was pretty worn out this summer, especially around 9 weeks or so, though unlike with my last pregnancy, it was sometimes hard to decipher whether I was tired from baby-chasing, working full time, constant travel, or just the usual first trimester exhaustion.

I haven't been obsessively reading about which fruit or vegetable I am carrying this week or feeling as hyper-aware of every little sensation this time around. Occasionally, when I get really hungry, I wonder why that is for a few seconds, and then remember I'm pregnant. I've gotten a few nasty headaches, and generally felt vague and ineffectual a lot of time time. I'm not sure if that's pregnancy related or if that's just life.

That said, compared to some of my friends who've had very challenging first trimesters, I'm really lucky. When I felt queasy, it was just sort of general "I'd like some toast" malaise, not full on waves of intense nausea. And I'd say I feel pretty much as I did the last go around at about this time. The same crazy, vivid dreams, the same occasional discomfort if I'm sitting in the same position for too long.

Whereas the last go round, I felt like time was at a standstill when I was pregnant, this time it's going really quickly.

We had our first anatomy scan on Monday, which was exciting. I always have nerves when I go to our imaging center, in part because every scan during my last pregnancy was kind of a hold-your-breath-for-bad-news experience. Even though Axel's cyst and surgery is now behind us, during my pregnancy it meant there were a lot of unknowns and worries, even those we never articulated.

So this scan? Well, the baby is perfect. On target for growth, no cysts, everything is looking great. The only "but" (and why is there always a "but"?) is that I have a single umbilical artery. The perinatologist said essentially that it's one of those things that most often means nothing more than extra monitoring for growth, and that it's quite common. Compared to Axel's eventual diagnosis, he said, it's like "nit picking" a perfectly healthy pregnancy.

As reassuring as that was, I still have to go in for monthly ultrasounds and, beginning at 36 weeks, for twice-weekly biophysical profiles (non-stress tests for the baby.) Though the latter is just because I am "elderly." And I felt a certain amount of "why is there always something to worry about?" but then again, that's just life with children, no?