The New Normal

Axel, 2012

Well, we've survived our first full week solo since Will's gone back to work. There was one point on Tuesday when Axel was very screamy and I thought ZOMG-cart-me-off-to-the-loony-bin. But since then it's been pretty smooth sailing.

I have to say through much of my pregnancy I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, I felt pretty good all along and I was sick of all the naysaying about how miserable it would all be.

Actually having the baby? It's both harder and easier than I thought it would be. Depends on what time of day you ask me. I usually feel pretty positive about life with a newborn. But in full disclosure I'd say that in comparison to pregnancy, the first month postpartum kind of kicked my ass.

I think part of it is that I couldn't quite believe how often a new baby needs to eat (and how inefficiently they do so) and how little I would sleep at night. On both counts I was initially so incredulous that I wound up second guessing myself. He can't be hungry again, maybe it's gas? What did I do wrong that screwed up his sleep schedule? He must be unhappy he's making weird noises and thrashing around. How can I fix it? Etc. Etc. Your adult brain wants to solve all the problems when in fact, some of it is totally normal newborn behavior that won't be "solved" until the newborn grows out of it.

It's definitely taken a month to wrap my head around "normal newborn behavior."

And while I've occasionally felt beaten up by the demands of it all, I'm also honestly loving the time we have together at home. Our little outings to the cheese shop or pilates or the park are all kind of sweet, with Axel grunting away like a truffle hunting piglet along the way. I am definitely thrilled when I see Will walk through the door ready to take the bambino off my hands, but most of the time, now that I'm not fighting it (or trying to rationalize every last thing) it feels...kind of normal.