Friday, October 26, 2012

Home Again

Axel, 2012

It was a long week.

I think I'm a tad shocked (okay, a lot shocked) at how hard it's been to go back to work. I don't know what I expected, but a friend recently described leaving her daughter to go to the office as an out of body experience. Sounds spot on to me. Part of me says I feel this so acutely because he's so young. But will it ever feel easy?

People often portray looking after an infant as drudge work. Isolating, frustrating, exhausting. The world seems to remind you, loudly and frequently, to take time to yourself and to get back to "normal" life as soon as possible. What they don't say is how fun it is. I don't want to seem like I'm glossing things over, but I'd say that nearly every moment of looking after Axel is a pleasure. I feel enormously grateful that he is here, and that I am lucky enough to be his mother.

Yes, breaks are nice. But ten hour days away from him are dreadful. Were I curing cancer or putting men on Mars, I might feel the blow less intensely.

The good news is that it's Friday and I am home, and have the whole weekend with him stretching ahead of me. Frankenstorm be damned! Unfortunately, Will had to head out of town for a family obligation. So we are here on our own, waiting for the rain and the wind.

I am celebrating getting through the last four days with a beer and some coconut ice cream.

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