Well, at some point after I wrote this post, the darn pump broke. This is really annoying because a) Medela won't repair anything after one year and b) breast pumps are exceedingly expensive. It's also annoying because I was feeling like we had hit our stride, feeding-wise, and I was feeling confident about heading back to work. We tried to get a manual pump to see if that would work, but, well, no. It's fine in a pinch for a bottle here and there, but there's no way I could pump 12-15 ounces at work using it without getting serious carpal tunnel. So it's time to pony up for a new one.
Obviously, not a crisis, but it did make me anxious about returning to work and all of the logistics of trying to maintain my milk supply and bring home enough ounces for Axel to have the next day. I know we will manage and that there are compelling reasons for me to go back to work (temporarily), but it is leaving me with that "There's not enough time!" panic...only four "school days" left until we fly to Seattle (and I go back to work the day we return.)
Aside from the milk issue, suddenly I am also stressing about things like scheduling doctor's appointments so I can get to the office on time.
I know some people get really restless to return to the adult world. Maybe it's because I've had so much support via the local moms' group, but frankly, I love being at home.
Axel chatters away in whatever baby language he speaks, and we are quite busy and content much of the time. I feel like the days fly by. It's hard not to feel that by going back there is so much I am going to be missing.
Fortunately, I am finished with this job November 30th, and so can explore options for doing more work at home. At the moment it's sort of an experiment we're willing to try, though that gnawing feeling makes me realize just how crazy the maternity leave policy (or lack thereof) is in this country.