This and That

Spokane, 2012

Well, day two back at work was a little harder. OK, a lot harder.

The trouble with working in a deadline based industry is that there's no room for "I only work 'til 5." Maybe such a media job exists somewhere. But tonight I got home at 7:55 and the last hour or so was killing me. I'm working on a project with weekly deadlines, so I know that tomorrow and Friday will only be worse. It's one thing to be annoyed that you are stuck at work because of general ennui or because it's been a long day and you want to make a dinner with friends. It's another when you miss your baby like crazy.

This morning I barely got to spend time with Axel because he's still on west coast time and so only woke up around 8. Then the hour or so before I left the house was a muddle of trying to pump, trying to get dressed, trying to get organized to get out the door.

I had lunch today with a friend who is also working full time and has a baby who is just about a month older than Axel. I know I am not the only one. I was joking with her that I used to think parents who worked were just dealing with logistics. Like, ok, snap your fingers, get a nanny, it will be fine. It barely occurred to me that being away from your child for 95% of their waking hours is pretty darn sad.

I try to tell myself that working is taking care of the baby in another way, or that maintaining my career is good for all of us in the long run. That having a working parent as a role model is a good thing. But on a day to day basis, when he's so little, it's pretty rough.

When I walked through the door and he was still awake (good old jet lag) I nearly burst into tears with happiness. Just to have that half an hour. And he was babbling away and grinning. He has taken to waking himself up laughing at his Sleep Sheep and batting away at it. He's so much more aware these days. Even though he's asleep now, I feel a million times better just knowing he's in the other room instead of several miles away.

Sooo...it's complicated. I keep having to tell myself it's only a month.