Gear (and Girls)

Kate Quinn Organics

I am doing my best to stay disciplined about buying things for baby, given that my employment status remains uncertain. But sometimes resistance is futile.

I popped into Area Kids this morning for some strict window shopping, and left with these two very cute numbers from Kate Quinn Organics. Eh, baby needs to be clothed, right? I know that 7-9 pounds is not very large (about the size of our small grey cat, as a matter of fact), but these 0-3 month things still seem unfathomably small. I was joking to Will that it's so weird to think that our little baby boy will at some point be a 180+ pound man. It just seems so implausible.

Anyway, lots of things in a holding pattern for us these days. Move date uncertain, job status uncertain. It's left me irritated these last few weeks, which is part of the reason I haven't been posting much. No one wants to hear my grumpy musings. Anyway, that grumpiness is gradually shifting to bemused shrugging. Clearly, so much in life is beyond my control. I am trying to be Buddha-like about it all.

The odd thing is that, after meeting approximately one million people at this magazine, I have had complete radio silence from them for two weeks. I know that this could mean any number of things. They could be interviewing other people, working out budgets, or, well, just not that into me. Which is fine. But so far my very polite follow up emails have gone unanswered and I am starting to feel a little adrift. Would it be so hard to send me a "Sorry, kiddo?" email? It's quite mysterious and obviously I am not getting any less pregnant as the days pass.

Things were going so well I had just about wrapped my head around the idea of being a working mom. I was dutifully researching pumping at work and nannies and so on. But if there's anything pregnancy has taught me it's that as soon as you get used to an idea, you are onto the next challenge. So I am adapting and working on picturing being at home with baby for awhile.

Last night, Will and I caught up on the last 3 or 4 episodes of Girls, and it really resonated. It reminds me so much of being 23 or 24 in the city. People have blasted the characters and called them narcissistic and pretentious and homogenous, but, well, that pretty much describes me and my roommates circa 2004.

I can most definitely relate to the feeling of being in New York, on the cusp of all of these big things, screwing things up along the way, sometimes getting it right.

Us, Williamsburg, 2004

Williamsburg, 2004

Maine, 2004

And yeah, at 33 and a mother to be, I guess my life these days looks a lot more together than it did back then. But I still feel a lot like that opinionated, ambitious, idealistic, cocky, hedonistic 20-something.

And so a lot of the scenes in Girls just make me laugh. Like the one where Lena Dunham, who I am obsessed with, goes for a job interview and makes a date rape joke, thinking she and the interviewer are on the same wavelength.

When I was first in New York and interviewing for jobs, I'd often tell people the truth, that in 5 years I didn't want to be doing anything that resembled the job on offer; that I wanted to be a travel writer.

Which leads me to wonder...was it something I said?