Tuesday, November 27, 2012


New York, 2012

Today I wrapped up the project I've been working on (subbing for an editor who has been traveling.)

It's weird, sitting at somebody's desk, seeing their rainy November view, essentially sitting in on somebody else's life for a spell. You can't help but imagine what they would do after work, what they think while sitting there. My feelings on the matter are a mixed bag.

Tonight, for maybe the first time since Axel was born, I really felt like going out to some silly posh of-the-second West Village restaurant and clinking glasses with people with interesting jobs and witty anecdotes.

I also felt like coming home and taking a bath.

Going to work has gotten a lot easier since those early days when it felt like pure physical shock. The hurricane and its aftermath obviously didn't help. But then somehow everything was sort of okay. I felt great about our nanny, and Axel was thriving, and I was patching up the leaky boat (financially, so to speak.) Paychecks came. And that felt good.

And so I am exploring part time options that will let me be in the office a few days, at home a few days.

Because I really miss long walks in the fresh air, meeting up with my fellow mothers, the possibility of going to yoga, and (of course) long stretches of time with Axel. And the time to think about things, instead of just kind of mustering the strength for the daily grind. Sometimes it's hard not to fantasize about living somewhere like, say, Portland, where the cost of living is less egregious and the puzzle might be easier to put together.

But I also am coming to see the value in a routine outside of my zip code, flexing other muscles. Like ambition, maybe? I am not sure what to call it. Starting tomorrow, I guess, I will have some time to mull it all over.

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