|New York, 2010|
24 weeks today, which is what doctors usually consider to be the cutoff point for viability. Meaning if you go into labor at 24 weeks, you may very well have a micro-preemie who survives.
Of course, that is not what I want to happen. But suddenly dealing with that fact, plus the round number of 16. Weeks. Left. has me feeling a little loopy and ill-prepared.
That is 16 weekends to pack, move, unpack, accumulate baby supplies, take childbirth education course, read all those books about exactly what you do with a newborn, and find some time to breathe and relish our last few months of life as just-the-two-of-us. Oh. Also, I am interviewing for a job, considering childcare options if I get the job, and interviewing tenants for our current apartment. It feels like a lot of spinning plates.
It's not that I don't think it will all get done (or that disaster will strike if it doesn't, and if we have a newborn at home surrounded by boxes without having read a darn thing about what to do with him.) But I am by nature a planner, someone who likes doing certain things, especially in the domestic realm, by the book.
I find it incredibly surreal that there's, say, a 5 week window when baby could come. From 37 weeks to 42, give or take, when baby is considered to be full term (and a larger window if you do have a preemie.) Not knowing when this will all happen is kind of freaky to me. I get that it's the circle of life and so on, but it seems awfully tricky.
It feels a little like at any moment I could go into labor (I don't have any medical reason to believe this will happen at the drop of a hat....it's just the awareness that it could.) Prior to, say, 15 weeks, I was concerned with losing the baby. Now it's the realisation that no matter what, I will have to face labor.
I also worry that there could be some complication that would require bedrest and shorten those 16 already scary weeks of geting stuff done into, say, 4 weeks. So that's where my head is at today.
It is a beautiful day and I am sure my pregnancy mania will pass. But it comes in waves.